Today's post is going to be one of the hardest posts I will ever write. To say that I was not crying throughout writing it would be a lie. But, I wanted to write about it because it's an important subject to me. Because this series is about getting to know me, I think that this is pretty substantial to include when you get to know someone - their past and how it has helped someone get to where they are.
On January 21st, 2010, my father passed away at the age of 47 years old. It was completely unexpected, nor was there anything we could do about it.
January 16th, my father had a heart attack (his 5th heart attack to date) and we thought it would be a "routine stint process" when he went into the hospital this time around. Because this was the weekend, we spent time together in his hospital room while waiting for him to go into surgery on Monday, the 18th.
January 18th - morning. I went back to school in the morning to attend my classes I had that day. I missed Daddy's call so he left me a message saying he was going into the room here soon (he hoped) and that he was tired of waiting around and that he was bored and that he loved me. His typical phone calls that he does when he's bored. No big deal.
January 18th - evening. I was called and told to come home, that my Daddy was not doing good. What? I thought this was just a simple procedure like always and that he would come out like he always had. Nope.
January 19th - morning. We went to the hospital to see him - non-responsive, not awake, not able to talk, nothing. It was like he was sleeping. I hated it. But, at 19 years old, you don't think of your father passing away so I was hopeful he was going to come out. I mean, who wouldn't be hopeful? This was just another procedure that he had gone through... his body was just worn out. Nope.
January 19th - evening. He was still as poor as he was in the morning. Things weren't getting better. Why weren't things getting better? I was still hopeful, but constantly crying.
January 20th, morning. We were told to go see Daddy because he wasn't doing any better, still. I was physically ill at this point and could not eat, sleep, nothing. I hated being in this position. My father dying when I needed him the most.
January 20th, evening. We stayed at the hospital as late as we could. It was going to be a long night, and Momma wanted us to go home so we could sleep. I said my goodbyes to Daddy and told him I'd see him tomorrow and begged him to wake up. My begging didn't work.
January 21st, early morning. 5:00 AM. Momma comes to wake me up to say that the doctor needed to speak to me. Why me? I had to make the decision to pull my Daddy off the monitors because I was next of kin. At 19 years old, I had to decide whether to keep my Daddy around, or let him rest in peace. We decided, as a family, that it was time. He wasn't getting any better, his chances of waking up before his organs began to shut down were slim to none. 8:41 AM, Daddy passed on to heaven to be with my both of my grandpas, and his father, too.
January 21st, morning. I went down to the hospital with Momma to sign paperwork to be able to take his things he brought with him to the hospital. His shoes, wallet, clothes, and that's about it. We asked the doctor what happened, so he explained. When they went in to put the stint in, Daddy's lungs were TERRIBLE. Mind you, he was a smoker, a heavy one at that. The doctor did not know this before putting the stint in, though, so he had to proceed with the procedure and work on Daddy to make sure his arteries were cleared so blood could flow. When they closed him back up, they realized that it was also his pancreas that was in trouble. Not his heart, not his blood, his pancreas. WHAT? This had never been mentioned before now and I didn't want to believe it. I just wanted to know why they could not save my daddy and give him another chance. But, his bad habits caught up to him...
So, my father died from Pancreatic Cancer on January 21st, 2010.
Daddy was my hero, my best friend, and my rock. He was the man that could make the worst situation turn into the best. He was my coach, my shoulder to lean on, my person to call at 4 AM when things were not okay. He was the one to visit when I was bored, play games with on the computer competitively (I always won), and the one to give me life besides Momma.
Since Daddy's passing, there have been HUGE changes in my life. I have walked out of this horrific event a stronger, more mature person than I would have been had it not happened. I joined a sorority where I had the support of fantastic women each and every step of the way. I graduated college with my Bachelor of Science in Education this past year. I started my Masters degree this summer. I began working this fall. Without his dedication and parenting (along with Momma's), I absolutely would not be where I am right now.
Daddy, you will always be in my heart. Even though I cannot hear you, I can feel you. You're here in everything that I do, watching over me. And, I know you're up in heaven playin' cards or Mafia Wars like you did down here. I am so thankful to have you to call as my daddy. Missing you always and love you to pieces <3
<3 Always & Forever Daddy's Little Girl <3
Daddy & Samantha
<3 Love you always <3
Have a good day, y'all.
